I was pregnant before it was cool. Being 16 & pregnant is nothing like you think it would be. Entering into motherhood while you are still a child yourself is confusing, to say the least. You want to be excited but society thinks you should be ashamed. You try to live a normal life with your friends-but going to parties when you are pregnant just isn't the same. Your thoughts aren't the same as your peers. School is no longer a social place, just somewhere you go to eventually get your degree because you want to be somebody for your child. The people who complain about being tired or how boring the class is really have no idea about life. As a pregnant teen, everything changes. You are so over everything.

When I got pregnant, the fact that I had hurt people is what I struggled with. That's the other confusing part. You know they want you to suffer-because they are-but you also can't live like that because it isn't good for the baby-being stressed out and depressed all the time. I hurt (or let down) myself, Blake, my family, my teachers, the teenage population, and God.  Everybody else kept quiet mostly about their hurt, except for my parents.  I'm not going to throw them under the bus, because I don't know how I would handle it if my child got pregnant, but they grieved. One of the reasons nobody tells you "if you don't wait for marriage" is the fact that it is just  not ok to do it because your youth is robbed from you.  My parents were not able to accept the fact that I was no longer a child.  They wanted me to know I had options. Since we- or I- didn't want to have an abortion, adoption was the next "option."  My mother was the most vocal about her grieving process, and she wasn't ok with my pregnancy until I was about 8 months pregnant. She ordered adoption papers from an agency and had them mailed to me. She also found numerous girls for me to talk to that had chosen adoption-girls that had aged anywhere from 16-22.  I had to call them and the conversations usually consisted of them telling me their story, them crying, and also telling me their open adoption rules: how often, sent pictures, meetings, counseling, etc.  And then I would tell them my story and they would respond, "Well, since you have a supportive partner and family, I don't know why you are considering it." I didn't really know why either.

I know my mom meant well, looking back, but it was hard picking up the pieces by myself. Through it all I always felt God's presence and it was screaming, "I got yo back!"

As a result of my pregnancy, I became a forgiving person. I was called names and beaten-up emotionally, mentally, and God would whisper forgive them, let it go.  I have forgiven everyone, but some of the hurtful words still remain. I pray I can someday forget them.

Everybody wants to know how my story "ended" in success...1st of all, it was ONLY by the grace of God that I am where I am today. However, there are some people who I owe credit to and who helped me tremendously. I feel that by writing to them that it will reveal more about my story than just telling you about it. They are in no specific order of importance and I hope I don't leave anybody out.

Blake: you are my rock. I remember the day we found out we were pregnant. It was a whirlwind of a day-and I remember at the end of the day when we finally got to talk. I was just wanting to take a shower and was trying to get off the phone. You said, "Hey, hold on. How are you?" I just started crying because I didn't have an answer from the exhaustion of telling my family that day, but you then assured me that we would be ok and we would beat all the odds and make it. I love you and will be with you forever-no matter what. I knew because of you-you were so different-a rare breed-that I would be ok. I know you love me for so many other reasons than for being the mother to your children.  I am grateful for you everyday.

Kenz- I am so thankful that you are my sister.  Thankful really isn't a strong enough word-maybe appreciative, gracious, obliged... you were there for me. Always. Holding my hair when I was puking, being my friend when others deserted me, listening to me, having my back, telling people how it was and how it was going to be and they better deal with it, being excited, singing to my baby in my tummy, loving me. Even after Kaden arrived, you helped me everyday get him ready, take him to daycare, played with him, held him, rocked him, fed him, taught him.  You were like his second mother and you have a special bond with him. I am forever indebted to you and I hope that I can be half the Aunt you are one day.

Jennifer Hader: Heaven-sent. God knew I needed to hear from you and sent you straight to me. That Wednesday night we talked on the phone gave me the courage to have the baby, keep the baby, and be the mother God called me to be. It wasn't until you that I realized that God's plan was clear for me and I needed to do what was best for me and the baby, not do what others wanted me to do. I am glad you counseled me through my situation and I am so grateful that you had the courage and the obedience to talk to me.

Mom and Dad: Thanks for housing me and feeding me and my baby. Thanks for making me do it myself and for making me take responsibility for my actions-more parents need to do that these days. Thank you for loving and caring for Kaden and for being good grandparents to him. Thanks for teaching me along the way how to be a parent and all that comes along with that. Thanks for the good memories. Thanks for letting me go and grow up. Love you.

Jenna: thank you for being my friend through it all. You didn't desert me. You protected me from creepy people who thought they had the right to rub my tummy. You listened, you were dependable, trustworthy, un-judgmental. I am thankful for our friendship.

Josh and Daniel: Thanks for eating Dale's with me almost every single day because it was the only thing that sounded good. thanks for correcting people's rumors, for holding me when I needed to cry, and for still hanging out with the fat, pregnant chick. Love you guys.

Mrs. Blackwell-  Thank you for your sweet words, the bible verses you wrote on notes and sent to me during class, the crackers, the water, the understanding. thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder in the hallway and for taking my face in your hands and telling me you loved me. I needed to hear that on that day. You will never just be "the secretary" to me.

My school counselor: Thank you for not writing me off. thank you for finding me a support group of people who could meet me where I was at. Thank you for getting me into concurrent enrollment and for seeing that I succeed. Thank you for pushing me to graduate with honors and for not letting "my situation" hinder my future. Thank you so much.

Mrs. Schwartz: Thank you for going above and beyond for me. You didn't have to accept me into the Math Analysis class, knowing that you would have to tutor me on the side when I went homebound. Thank you for coming to my house and explaining assignments, for encouraging me, for waiting while I fed my baby, for coming to my wedding, for supporting me. You are the person I think of when somebody asks me who my favorite teacher was. You were more than a teacher, and that is what I hope to be to my students.

Jessica: I know we will always be friends. Thank you for lying for me, for being there from the very moment I found out I was pregnant, for understanding why I couldn't go to color guard practice, for picking up the pieces with the guard when I had to leave to nurse Kaden, for not judging me, for not complaining when I got 2 solos in winter guard, for calling me a "rock star." I love you, sweet friend.

To Daniel, Heather, Katie, and the colorguard: Thanks for letting me perform. It was my escape. It was the only thing I did for me and did well.  Those are memories I will never forget. I'm sorry I was late to practice from sickness, I'm sorry I left early to breastfeed.  thanks for understanding and being there for me. Love all of you.

to all my family: thanks for being gracious and careful with your words. Thank you for loving me despite my bad decisions I made. Thanks for spoiling Kaden and Blake and me.

Haters gonna hate. To the haters: I won't forget you, but I have forgiven you. You created some dark places for my pregnancy, but they helped me see what matters in life and the hard reality that some people are just not accepting and negative and those people will always be there.  To my band instructor: the whole band voted me for band queen, even knowing I was pregnant. Because of your embarrassment and un-comfort, you took that title from me and lied about it. I felt betrayed and less than. Does that title matter 7 years after the fact? No. What matters is that a big group of the band bought a crown for me, flowers, and had their own little ceremony for me because they knew I had earned it.  Oh, and I know who the girl is that thought she also had the right to take that title from me. One of the many "I thought you were my friend."  The IYC trip my senior year: I'm glad I got to go. It is a shame to me to think that I almost didn't get to because of someone's insecurity and embarrassment and ignorance.  I have also forgiven this person, but it is one of those things that I learned a lot from. Church people can sometimes be the worst people.  Amen? I have learned that I will not be that church person that is hypocritical, judgmental, hateful, or rude. I will be that person that accepts people with open arms and tries to love them unconditionally-like Christ-would.

I do have a "success" story, even though my story is not over.  I did graduate with honors from high school, with honors from college, all while having a child. It wasn't easy but I'm glad I did it. The stupid statistics that were against me is what drove me to finish.  Even though this was a big part of my life, it's still just that: a part of it. It doesn't define me. I am not that teenage pregnant girl anymore. I am confident in myself. I love my life, my husband, my boys. I am living a dream with a handsome cowboy, three adorable boys, out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by great friends and a loving God.  It's perfect.

Everybody has a story. Probably more than one. This is one that I thought I would share because people know but don't usually ask.

Disclaimer: I have written and re-written, deleted and published this many times. I have decided that I will never feel it is finished, complete, final.  I felt compelled to finally publish it and can only hope that I do it justice.  Feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

Process

Everything is a process.  Everything. Growing up is a process. Education is a process. Learning is a process. Making a baby, birthing a baby, and raising a baby are a process.  Getting your nails done, getting a tattoo, getting a haircut are a process. Getting ready for the day is a process. Getting ready for bed is a process.  Forgiving, healing, grieving are a process. Sickness is a process.  Marriage is a process. Divorce is a process. Your relationship with God is a process. Communication is a process. Respect is a process. Work is a process. Writing is a process. Reading is a process. Death is a process. Building fence is a process. Teaching is a process. Fighting cancer is a process. Love is a process.

Smell what I’m steppin’ in?

This has been on my mind lately.  I mean, nothing ever just is, nothing ever just happens, and it just gets redundant (for me).  Maybe you have never thought about it, but truly everything takes time. Plus, if you are going to do things right, it takes effort.  There are some processes that never end-until you die- like learning, maturing, or your relationship with God. Some processes are no fun-like divorce, healing, or grieving.  Some are super fun-like making a baby or getting your nails done.  Nevertheless, they all require process and correct process or it is frustrating. Some processes take more effort than others, such as parenting, marriage, communication, and respect. 

Well, I am freakin tired of the process.  Anybody with me?  Like, I got a tattoo which was fun and all, but now I have a healing process.  I am a parent-which is a tiresome, joyous, horrible, and exciting experience all at the same time.  Raising my boys to be godly men is a process that takes much effort, prayer, crying, and laughing.  My marriage is a process, one that sometimes feels more like work than for enjoyment.  I feel like my marriage is so different from anybody else’s.  Blake and I have NOTHING in common, other than we are so in love with God, each other and our kids.  That should be enough I feel like, but lately I’m aggravated with this process. Our communication, respect, love, and affection are things that we see differently and have to learn how to work that out.  What I don’t understand is that others are going through the same process-marriage- and I don’t know how they do it. Sometimes I want to tell people that marriage is a trap. Other times I’m so keen on it that I want to be encouraging to others and their marriages.  I feel like I know what doesn’t work but the times I’m frustrated, the times I need to know where others are at in their process to make me feel better, the times I need assurance, where are those people? I think the uncomplicated processes like putting on make-up are easy to share because they aren’t really personal.  The more complex processes like marriage or divorce, respect or communication, or death aren’t talked about as much because it is personal, private, and humans build up walls. I have been guilty of this myself and I find myself wondering why I don’t have more guidance on such things.  I’m like, well I don’t share these things, why should I expect other people to?

Overcoming the frustration is attainable when I think that this life will end. That I should enjoy the processes while I can. That a vacation is needed to throw process out the window for a week and I’ll be fine.  That one day, I will be in Heaven and the only thing I will do is praise and worship my God.  We are required to share the process of our relationship with God with others-how we got where we are, where we are, and where we want to go. To fight complacency and to desire the fire.  I do find comfort in this thought. I also find comfort in knowing that others are going through the same processes as me; I guess I just want to know more about theirs. 

Process is defined as “a systematic series of actions directed to some end.”  I like the “end” part.  I’m excited that some things I am going through will end-like Raphe teething; other processes I am content with and know that they are a part of life; other processes in my life, such as my family members fighting cancer are things I’m struggling with and I am praying through them. My question is what process are you in that you are frustrated with? What process are you in that you are enjoying? What process have you been through that you can share with others? What process are you in that you need guidance with?

I hope this made sense….

Shine the Light, Y'all

I’m working on another blog that encompasses my life as a pregnant teen.  I get way too overwhelmed and emotional when I start working on it, so I can only do it a little at a time. I talk about people that helped me along in my tough journey and relive some harsh moments.  Today I used my story and my experiences in a positive way and “shared the love” with a random girl I have never seen before. 

I talked to a girl at the high school today that is 8 months pregnant. She’s not the only girl there that is going through the experience.  And this pregnancy isn’t usually their first.  Want to know what I said to her? I asked her how she was feeling to which she replied, “miserable.” I said, “I’m sorry, I know it’s tough going to high school and being pregnant-I’ve been there. I’m Mrs. Overton and my room # is 304-come by and see me if you ever need anything.”  I also assured her that everything is going to be ok and work out. She smiled and made small talk about contractions, her other baby at home, and her future.  I listened to her and didn’t judge her.  Here is what I never got when I was pregnant at 16: assurance, sympathy, or compassion.  What I usually was received with was judgment and crude remarks.  No matter the age at which a girl gets pregnant, people fail to see that it’s still a pregnancy. She is worrying about the same things any mother would, but is overlooked because of her age.  She is still carrying life inside of her and is trying to figure out how to enter into motherhood while society judges her.  It is not socially acceptable to be a pregnant teen; however, making her feel less because of a choice she made is not the way to go.  I had a teacher and the school secretary show me kindness.  The secretary would send notes to the class I was in with bible verses on it, or she would pull me out of class and give me food and a drink in the office.  I had a teacher who took me under her wing to make sure I would graduate and graduate with honors. I had a counselor who set me up with a support group-with an awesome leader and other girls who taught me how to get through.  However, I never had someone show me compassion and tell me that even though this happened before it “should have” that everything was going to work out and that this beautiful baby growing inside of me would grow up to be great and do great things regardless of the mistakes his parents made.  I felt at times that the pain I was enduring was something I deserved since I had hurt others with getting pregnant outside of marriage.  I didn’t ask for assurance, sympathy, or compassion but looking back I know I needed it and I didn’t get it from school and I certainly didn’t get it from my church.  I did have some supportive people at church and one lady in particular I owe a lot to, but for the most part the church failed me.  This morning when I was listening to “Focus on the Family” on my way to work there was a lady talking about how when you feel distant from God that He sends people to you to be His light.  Even when you are at your lowest, He still has and wants a relationship with you and so he sends other people to be there for Him in a way.  Those people become a blessing to you in your life.  I think we’ve all been there when we felt like someone was put in our life at that time to be our “Christ” and let Him shine through them.  I also think that we expect it sometimes-expect others to be there for us when we feel like God isn’t.  Today, after hearing that, I really thought about if I am the light for others and if they feel Him through me.  I hope I am a blessing to them and I hope I was a blessing to that girl today.  Often times Christians don’t say hurtful things to people so they think they aren’t as bad as the other person; but sometimes not saying anything-not saying positive words or speaking truth into people’s lives- sometimes that is just as bad as not saying anything. The sin of silence will get ya, and we are all guilty of it.  So, not that you have to be extravagant in your words or actions, but just be the light, y’all. 

More to come.

The Unwritten Book of Life

At some point in life, some unkown person decided to write this unwritten book of life that doesn't really make sense.  Before I start rambling I guess I should make a disclaimer.  I only briefly touch on these rules and codes.  If you are not a woman or a wife, you might not enjoy this post as much.  These are things I have discovered along my journey in life and feel obligated to tell someone these things because I find myself thinking "these are things nobody tells you."  If you know me, you know I'm honest not modest and so please excuse some of the things I say and try to stay with me.

Pertaining to this unwritten book are codes.  Guy codes, girl codes, mom codes, dad codes, marriage codes.  I don't know why things are the way they are, they just are.  Like, ok, I teach high school students so I see my kids discover these guy codes and girl codes.  If you are a girl and dating someone, you expect him to be "hands-off."  Why? Because there is a girl code that is understood that says, "Don't talk to my boyfriend."  Chaos happens, fights happen, and social media bashing happens when a girl feels wronged by another girl.  She feels like if she, herself, obeys the code and doesn't talk to other girls' boyfriends, then hers should be left alone.  This is just one of many rules for the girl code.  I see teenage boys discover guy code.  Like, the conversations I hear are unreal and you don't want to know what I know.  They are always entertaining though.  One of the rules of guy code is that you don't talk about what goes on in the locker room.  You just don't.  I asked Blake once about it when we were in high school and he started to tell me a story and I remember promptly holding my hand up and saying "nevermind."  It's like a safe zone for guys because they talk about nasty things that they would never talk about in front of girls.  They also do nasty things all the while being naked and know that this guy code keeps them from telling girls or parents what happened.  Also, this guy code believes one is whipped when he respects his girlfriend and does romantic things for her.   

Dad code.  While I don't know much about this, I know a little from observation.  Dads- They are the providers for the family.  It is biblical, yes, that they are the head of the household and that they provide.  But the dad code is that you respect others work and don't ask how much they make.  The dad code, which is an extention from guy code, says that if you help someone work cattle then they help you work your cattle and it is even.  If you make a tie rope for someone then they make you a holster.  Dad code says as long as I get the kids dressed and fed that should be enough.  Brushing their teeth, taking their vitamins, and looking presentable are petty issues that the mom is responsible for.  Again, these are a few of the rules of the dad code-please feel free to comment more that you come up with.

Marriage code.  The best advice I got before I was married was from a woman named Judy Winford.  She grabbed my arm-rather hard-looked me in the eye, and said, "Jandi- marriage is work.  It's hard work. And you will have to work at it every day.  Promise me that you will work for your marriage."  I looked back at her and responded that I would.  And this has been the truest thing that anyone has ever said to me.  Marriage is all about serving the other person and putting your spouse above yourself.  This marriage code says that I will work hard and finds peace knowing that others are too.  When divorce happens to ones we know, we get upset because that couple didn't work as hard as we are.  This marriage code says if I'm going to stick it out and make it work and keep it sacred then you should too.  With my parents recently getting divocred, I have questioned marriage and have been angry with marriage, with life.  I have learned that sometimes codes and rules are broken and even though it throws you off-there are others still abiding to the rules and the codes and I hold on to those.  This marriage code is often humorous to me because everyone's interpretations are not the same.  Some people have just a physical marriage, some have a business marriage, some have an emotional marriage, a spiritual marriage, a room-mate marriage and others have the complete package.  Some rules I think are in all marriage codes aren't in all of them and that's ok.  It's just entertaining.  I don't know it all about marrige-obviously-but I know this: Love is a choice and loving someone is choosing them day after day.  Love is there after being in love has burned away and then there is committment.  Committment is there when love isn't and it is a strong thing.

Mom code. Ah-one of those things that nobody tells you.  There is so much to the mom code.  Until you become a mother you have NO IDEA what I'm talking about.  I once told my mom in a dressing room while she was trying on jeans that my body wouldn't look like hers and I would never wear those size of jeans she was in. Oh my, my, my, my, I'm incredibly sorry for those hurtful words my dear.  I had no idea at the time the trauma your body had been through to bring your Borden Babies into the world.  The way your body stretches, your hips spread, your hoo-ha rips apart, and how your back will never be the same are unexplainable to those who are not mothers. One of the things nobody tells you is how you will feel after giving birth.  My sweet neighbor Johnnie told me that she felt like she had done something nobody else had done by bringing a baby into the world.  She said there is no greater feeling looking at this itty bitty human and knowing   you did that.  I did feel like that.  I also felt like hell the next morning and there is no book you can read, no movie you can watch that will truly prepare you for birth or motherhood.  Sure, you can prepare and have an idea but you will not truly know until you experience it.  It is a beautiful and heart-wrenching thing all at the same time.  The mom code says it all with a smile, like when others look at me I know they are thinking, "welcome."  I know that's what I think when another woman is inducted into motherhood.  Well, I think that and "good luck getting back into a size 2."  A rule that is not in the mom code is the wearing of a bikini.  I feel like it should be a rule.  Like even if you can wear one, you shouldn't because not all moms have the luxury of not having stretch marks.  Not all moms have the time to work out or eat right.  Not all moms want to look at your body.  I don't feel good for you I am truly disgusted that you feel you have the right to wear one.  Get a tasteful one piece or a tankini.  Another part of me feels victorious because you went against the mom code and look good.  You don't look ragged or worn, saggy or pale.  The mom code that is part of the unwritten book of life says that we are the primary caretakers of our children.  We have to suck it up.  All the time.  We don't have time to be sick or time to sleep or time to read, write, think, travel.  And that's ok with me because I love my kids but nobody told me things such as these.  (The only way I blog is when my little bambinos are sleeping.)  When I am doing the dishes, the laundry, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning bathrooms, dusting, making beds, and then having a career- I think, WHY is this only my job? Why is this in the unwritten book of life, that these duties are only mine and if my husband does them I have to tell him "thank you" ?!?!? It has taken me 6 years to realize that this is how God wants me to worship him.  Be grateful and praisworthy always.  To find peace in knowing that I am not the only mother or wife out there doing these things after I have worked a long day.  To know that I am not the only mommy up with her kid that is puking or feeding a baby.  Feeding babies-that's another thing I'm passionate about.  If you know me, you know I am passionate about breastfeeding.  Actually, passionate might be an understatement.  My mother did it for me and her mother did it for her and so on.  I feel like it is only fair that every mother should at least try to breastfeed.  This is in the mom code and the rule has respect for mommies that do.  I fight the urge to look down on moms that don't do it because I worked so hard to.  The other rule to this is that moms must encourage and assure other moms they are doing the best they can.  Like if they can't breastfeed it is our job as a mother friend to say, "it's ok, you are doing the best you can; your baby will be just as healthy."  Just grit your teeth as you feel your hurting, distorted nipples and say it. It's the code, girls.  The most recent mom code I have lived is that of taking my babies to school and leaving them there.  My own mother reassured me that it will never get easier when taking my kids to school.  She only texted me and asked how the boys did and waited until I called her because she knew I would need time.  My friend Shelley walked out of the builidng after dropping her son-Blaze's best friend- off in the Pre-K class and stood by me for a minute and put her hand on my back and we held a gaze before she walked off to her car.  My sweet Becky didn't talk to me or ask me how it went, she only answered Blake's questions because she knew it was harder on me to leave my kids there.  Blake wanted to make conversation while I bee-lined for the car, clinging to Raphe and thanking God I have 4 years until I have to leave him there.  In the meantime, Blake is talking to Clint about football of all things-which is part of the dad code: talk about completely random things and avoid the emotional issue at hand.  My best friend Heather sees me at my car and tells me that her mornning went well and Blaze welcomed Hank into the class and I'm fighting back tears and I can tell her voice is shaky.  This mom code is a beautiful thing because I know I'm not alone.  Even though there are some things I hate about the unwritten book of life some things I find comfort in.  I've learned to embrace it and realize that it's ok to have a glass (or two) of wine after the kids go to bed and it's ok to leave your life of socializing for a life of raising babies and it's ok to get excited about your new recipe you made from pinterest.  I've embraced it because it is who I am now and I know I'm not alone.

I know the written book of life, the living and breathing Word of God is alive and apparent in my life.  I am thankful for this book because it helps me, guides me, and shows me how to be a wife and a mother.  When things happen to you, whether you be a husband or wife, mom or dad, know that you are not alone.  When something happens to you and you think why did nobody ever tell me this, realize that it's in there-in the unwritten book. 


   

A Letter to My Son

I write letters to my children often. I write them in their baby books so they will have them one day. Recently I wrote one "Letter to My Son" to print off and put in each of their baby books. It is rather long and personal. I want them to have the things I tell them on a regular basis written down so they will always have it and can cherish it. If you don't write letters to your kids, I challenge you to start.


Dear Son,

Never did I think that God would allow me to create something that would make my heart exude joy, compassion, and love. I think the word love is often overused in society, but I’m not talking about surface love; I’m talking deep, I would die for you, unconditional love. The first thing I want you to know is that I love you. Unconditionally. There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you less. I loved you before you were a fully developed body, before I could feel you move, before I even knew what you looked like, and before I knew what you would become in life. I will always love you.

Before I loved you, I loved your father. And before I loved him, I loved God. God was someone I grew up knowing because my parents introduced me to Him. It wasn’t until I became pregnant with the first one of you that I truly understood the depths of His love for me. God loved me-before I even loved him. He loved me at my darkest. He loved me when no one else would. He loved me when I was unlovable-when I even wore that awful black eye make-up, wore black fingernail polish, when I drove too fast, when I stayed out too late at parties, when I took His name in vain. He loved me through it all. I hope one day you will love Him too, believe in Him, trust Him, and consider Him your everything. Without Him, you cannot truly love yourself, or love others. He IS love. God’s love is the 1st greatest love story there is.

Your relationship with Him is the most important one you will ever have. I hope you honor Him with your life: your words, your actions, your career, your family. Do not get caught up in the religious aspects of Christianity-denominations don’t get you into Heaven. Don’t judge people based on their religion. And, while we are on the subject, don’t judge people at all. Being a Christian is at most times confusing and seems impossible. This life you live will be focused on being “like Christ” so others will know Him. There will be times you doubt and will be at a low point in your life. Doubt. Question. Be skeptical. But know that He will always be there with open arms to hold you and guide you. Turn to His Word and seriously trust in Him.

So, back to Dad. We have the 2nd greatest love story there is. I will spare you the details in this letter but believe me when I say that you will hear me talk about it more than once in your lifetime. I will tell you more times than one because one day you will pursue a woman—the pursuing is your part, yes—and you will court her. Your Dad did exactly that to me. He even pursued me when I was a total jerk to him. He was sensitive to God’s voice in the fact that he knew he was going to marry me. I took a little more convincing. (These are the details I will tell you one day) Even though we do not do everything right, we center our marriage around God and his biblical truths. I hope you see our efforts and learn what to do and what not to do in a marriage. Marriage is hard work. You will have to work at your marriage every day-even when you don’t feel like it or even when you don’t want to. You are a human and you will want to love your spouse conditionally-fight that urge. Love her unconditionally-no. matter.what. Marriage is sacred. Remember this when you are dating and respect it. I pray (a whole whole lot) that you will save yourself for marriage. The bible says “flee” from all sexual immorality. That doesn’t mean flirt with it. That doesn’t mean get close to the cliff. That doesn’t mean some things are acceptable. Get the heck away from it. Stay pure. God wishes this for you and commands you to do this because ultimately, He doesn’t want you to settle. He doesn’t want you to settle for a crappy newlywed life. He doesn’t want you to settle by sneaking around having sex. He doesn’t want you to settle for getting heartbroken and too emotionally attached. He doesn’t want you to settle for having your youth stolen from you. He doesn’t want you to settle because marriage sex is so much better than dating sex. Take my word on this.

Dating. That comes before marriage-sorry I’m getting ahead of myself. Part of me is scared and part of me is excited about this stage of your journey to manhood. You will be able to drive before you will be able to date. That’s just how it is. You will pick a girl up at her house, open all of the doors for her, make eye contact when shaking hands with her parents, listen to her, buy her dinner, star gaze, laugh, and dance anywhere she wants. Even if it is in the parking lot or the pasture-the date is about her. There are dates that will be about you, too. She will walk through Bass Pro Shops with you for hours and will get up early and go deer hunting with you. She will watch football games with you and will go camping with you and your friends. I hope you have fun while finding your soul mate. It is a serious thing, but don’t take yourself too seriously. Go dirt roading. And for all that is good and holy, be romantic. Don’t ever stop being romantic. Society calls this “being cheesy.” Punch society in the face, son.

Before you get married, though, be adventurous. Travel and try new things. You have the rest of your life to share it and provide for a family. Be selfish with your life and learn. This is something I didn’t ever get to do and while I wouldn’t ever trade being a mom and a wife, I wish I wouldn’t have grown up so fast.

Now, I don’t want you to grow up too fast. This is something that I am stubborn about because I want you to stay little and innocent as long as possible. I try not to blink because life just does pass by oh so quickly. I cherish all of your holey jeans, your mismatched socks, your monster trucks, your dirty toilet, your giggles, your loose teeth, your cowboy boots, your spills, your screams, your cries, your sickness, and your curiousness. I relish in these things because I know one day they will be gone and I will miss them. I embrace each stage of life and record it in your baby book and scrapbook all of the pictures of precious moments captured so that nothing will be forgotten. I do have dreams and desires for you, my boy. I want you to be passionate about something. It doesn’t matter what it is and don’t let anyone judge you for what you choose to be passionate about. If it is rodeo, dancing, music, acting, singing, football, figure skating, baseball—whatever it is just find something, do it, and do it well. I want you to cherish education. I say this not because I am a teacher, but because it is the only thing that nobody can take from you. Always learn something and never quit. Do not be ignorant and think that you have learned everything there is to learn. I want you to be independent. Motherhood is weird like that because my job is to raise you only to let you go. I am not looking forward to this but I will do it and do it gracefully. I will push you out of the nest because you are meant to leave me-that’s biblical son-so fly free little birdie. I am not worried about the man you will become because you have an amazing example. It is also my job to teach you how to cook, clean, do the dishes, be resourceful, and how to nurture. These things, even though considered “woman work” are crucial in being a good husband and daddy. Do these things. Without being asked. Just do them.

Know that I thank God for you each day. I know that you are a gift from Him and I know that I am called to be your mother. Even if I am nothing else in this life, I consider my life worth the while just loving you.

“Men are what their mothers made them.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson